By Berni Ireland
Most of us have heard this acronym. Do we heed it? What are our fears in practice and in life?
Is it fear of:
- Presenting a Creating Health Workshop.
- Being ‘rejected’ from a new client.
- What will people say?
- Asking for referrals.
Sark eloquently says “It seems that fears are based on these things – illusion and future thinking, with a side order of ‘what ifs’.”
- What if I am not perfect at public speaking?
- What if the new client doesn’t start care?
- And … what if, what if, what if??
Sark says “I now see that my greatest growth is happening with an acceptance of my fears, of giving them voices, and learning new ways to deal with them.”
If you are prepared to believe that there is no such word as CAN’T, then when someone says “You CAN’T”, make a deliberate change to “I CAN”
We can step up the rungs of the ladder of success and say I can, I will and finally I did. BJ Palmer presented the paramount ladder of success:
“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.”
FEAR is only
Natalie Cook, Australian Olympic Gold Medallist in Beach Volleyball, eloquently describes fear in her book ‘Go Girl’ – “some people turn fear of a roller-coaster ride into excitement, while others stay terrified. Yet it’s the same emotion. The difference is in the way it’s translated. Regardless of what you think and feel, your muscles and neurons are still the same. The nervousness, fear and anger are okay to have, as long as you don’t act on them. Acknowledge they exist, and go out and do what you do anyway. But keep it simple and specific. Focus on the things you do when you’re in the zone.”
Natalie imagines fear as The Voice.
Natalie Cook says “You will never lose The Voice. What’s more important is how you react to it, how you treat it, and how often you listen to it. The realisation came slowly to me that The Voice is there for balance. It’s there to ensure you don’t go too far. It’s there, for instance, to ensure you don’t jump out of a plane without a parachute (Michael Jordan is the only person I know who can fly)! But if you let it, it will clip your wings so much that you never get off the ground at all. It keeps you with one foot in reality. And if you let it, it will have a greater part of that reality than it deserves.”
Natalie worked, not at suppressing her fear, but at making it say different things. Eventually, it would be saying “keep going girl, keep going”. Occasionally, it might add “but don’t go that far”.
Because Natalie made it respect her, she started listening to it. It was talking more sense now. Instead of telling her how to do things, it would begin asking questions.
Eventually, it would even start asking the right questions.
Questions like “Hey Nat! Is that going to take you towards your goal or away from it?, instead of “Don’t eat that piece of cake you fat slob!” Natalie concludes: “When The Voice started to see that I was helping myself, it began to help me. And it was The Voice that would open the door for me, with pleasure and say ‘You’ve found it! Go for it!’ So there is still a voice. You can never eliminate it. What I’ve tried to do is to have it work with me, rather than against me. If you can’t control it, it’s like a second personality.”
Of course, The Voice isn’t really separate from Natalie Cook; it’s not separate from you, either. It’s just a metaphor. Some call it ‘self-talk’. In its raw form The Voice can be fear talking to you. But thinking of it as something separate has helped Natalie to do something about it; to manipulate it to her own ends. You can call all those negative feelings you’ve brought along from your experience, and your perception of that experience, whatever you like. By calling it The Voice, Natalie Cook was able to change its tune.
ARE YOU WILLING TO FACE FEAR AND RISE?
Not acknowledging fear can be the biggest obstacle to pursuing your dreams. You may disagree and think it is a lack of money, time or knowledge. In truth it is often a fear of failure, rejection, or even a fear of success, that holds a person back.
What are your goals and dreams that you have been unable to get closer to? Look fear in the face, give it a name, if that helps, and make your success greater then your fear. You already possess everything you need. You are gifted and talented.
“The step from fear to bravery is only falling forward.”
Reference: Coaching Syllabus 8